Transparent Secrecy

So a new day has come and gone. And with it a collection of statements by many people whom I hold near and dear to me that are as it seems so often of late, hurtful. I've been continuing to try to find measure. To seek out certain things. I found some insight on one of my favorite websites. It has helped this evening. It reminded me of some things that I had not so much forgotten, but I had not made them foremost in my mind. The reasons I had changed that priority so remain unnecessary to elaborate upon. Needless to say, it happened however. But after reading the work, I was then drawn to the video on that same page. I played it all the way through. I was then reminded of something so very fundamental as the video played out to completion.

I was reminded that we are all people made of many things. As a friend said tonight, "256 shades of Grey" (a Mother's Tale). And while the particular story dealt with one single subject matter, the analogy works elsewhere. None of us exist in a purely White or Black world ethically or morally speaking. We do not socially or politically either. We each fall within the shades of grey that exist between the bookends of black and white. True, this is a technicolor universe, but the analogy persists at working. One of the things we have to do is learn how to live with those facts and differences. And we also need to cautiously and compassionately contend with the fallacies that arise from those who do not do so or who mistakenly believe they are doing so.

I have also been reminded of the power of secrecy. I have been reminded directly of the power it wields to harm as well as restrain. Keeping a secret may often save a life, or at least save one's Ego from becoming bruised. But asking one to keep a secret for another is always taking a very special, and uniquely perilous, type of risk. It is perilous in that it sets into play a situation that goes directly against the very fiber of a human being. Even those of us whom believe we are staunch vaults of privacy and discretion are in truth nothing more than the keepers of another's mind. Often times, such confidences provide support and comfort. But when made to take and then taunted or teased before parties, they become indefensible statements and the creation of heresy against what a Secret was mostly likely meant for. They are never things to be flaunted as bestowing of power one has that another does not (knowledge is power, remember that for later). They are also not to be the repositories of self-aggrandizement or self-inflation. They are, like Oaths, things of Binding. And one must weigh careful whether they wish to be bound in Darkness or Light.

I am reminded of certain things that I want to share with everyone now. First is that I only keep those Secrets that are truly worth keeping. The ones that protect. Give one time to Mend, Time to Grow, or Time to Withdraw Such. I do not keep the Secrets that are taunted by others as power one wields over another, whether actual or delusional. I do not keep Secrets that are the Repositories of Fear, of Detraction or Distraction, or are merely excuses to hide one's petty features from themselves. I do not keep Secrets that are obvious manipulations of Binding Ties, for I do not wish to be bound in the Darkness of another man's heart.

I also am remnided of my mother's favorite paraphrase ... "If you love something, set It Free ... if it returns, it is yours. If not, it never was." I will Bind no one to passions they do not possess, but I might remind one of them even as they turn their back to walk away. I will also remain waiting, and only keep the regrets of those whom become Lost, to me or to themselves, it will matter not only that I will regret and mourn such.

I am also reminded however that the resolve bestowed upon me was done so by many, and has been expanded as the events move on. It was not bestowed upon me by one or a few, though I have always remembered that it was not bestowed by all. I am reminded also that I may be opined by the judgmental, but I will be ultimately Judged by the Collective or THE ONE. I will not lose my resolve, even as I become that leaf about to be touched by winter's first frost to lay at the feet of the Great Tree of Life.

I have also been reminded that *THIS* is not about me. *THIS* is about *US*. My World is one I share, *WE* Share. I do not dwell upon it alone nor does it revolve around me. I am but one Traveler upon it's unlevel surface seeking to find level footing as I traverse it's passage through Time.And when the it seems that the World has lain it's troubles upon my shoulders, I have but to remind myself that it is but my temporary reflection of such, and not the entirety of it no matter the frailty or fracturing that may have hollowed out my heart. I also need but to remember that at no time am I truly alone upon it, for if I was, then the consideration of a Binding Secret would have no consideration at all and therefore it's weight would have nothing by which to tie me to. So therefore I remember one of the things that was taught to me by Priest and Pastor, Shaman and Mystic, Friend and Fellow.

It will *NEVER* ultimately be about Me.

More Important Things Than Paranoia

So after a barrage of events ending in someone hanging up on me, I took a break from the day (aka, a nap). I wake up later and check some messages and find one from a friend whom I haven't gone up to his place and hung out with in a while. He has left a message that says it is very important to get in touch with him. I do so, and shortly into the conversation I learn something that suddenly puts all of the other paranoia and conspiracy theories and imposed guilt back into perspective.

He's awaiting news on cancer. Lung Cancer. His physician already believes he has it, but they are awaiting the biopsy return. I'm not sure how to feel just yet, other than shock. This guy is a smoker, yes. And he smokes like a chimney, yes. But he's otherwise been a major freak when it comes to be healthy. He's older than me by a few years, but has a body that is otherwise probably 20 years younger.

So I will be heading to his place this weekend for a night and just hang out. Bonfire for sure. Booze probably. Target practice probably too (lots of milk cartons). And just be back with my friend.

Senioritis

So it seems there is this 'disease' that many people get when they are nearing the end of a term. Named of course for the apparent (and often evident) lack of motivation by many high school student at the end of their last year. It is a condition that strikes at many. It is a condition that I have chosen to recognize and oppose deliberately in myself.

In my not so humble opinion, a Master of a Lodge can never allow himself to fall victim to the draw of Senioritis no matter how rough things get. A Lodge requires all of it's component members to remain ever vigilant. Especially the officers, elected and appointed. And most especially the Worshipful Master or Head of the Lodge. This has in recent days been brought to my attention, both directly and indirectly.

Directly in that some of my fraternal brothers have brought concerns they have directly to me, exactly as it should be. Indirectly by way of discovery from events and statements that remain in a state of constant confusion.

So in short, here's the surprise. I haven't quit, and I have checked myself against my peers. I remain ever vigilant because they remain so with me. I do not stand alone. That is comforting. That is the source of strength I have found.

Since when was Sunday so Sacred???

Okay, the title is really just something I said to get attention. However, as i type the title in a question arises. When does any day become Sacred? How many days are sacred anyway? Who defines what is Sacred? Last I knew it was a group of religious cloisters hidden away who decide things based upon a social box so small that I'm surprised there is anything even remotely like clean-air still breathable within it. Or better yet, the more modernistic view that all the holidays are just creations of the gift card companies (Hallmark should be ashamed of themselves).

Every day should have something akin to a sacred aspect to it. Everyday we get to live and breathe and express joy or sorrow should be treated as sacred. The Universe is vast, and is mean VAST ... so we shouldn't take ourselves for granted or this world we have either. Everyday the Universe has another opportunity to visit us with something new. Most of the time, it may simply be a wafty of space dust. But once in a while, as our historical records have shown, we get visited by stuff that is far more ... impactive. And given that there have been some impacts of notable mention (Chicago suburb less than a decade ago), we should keep in mind that larger stuff still roams out there.

We also need to keep in mind that sacred days are everyday also because we get the opportunity to embrace and exhibit new ways for Life, my life, your life, his hers theirs, everyone's ... to be well, LIFE. Sometimes that means we need to remember we share this world. We are not compromising with anyone to live here. We *ARE* sharing already. We just have to come to grips with that detail. It is a fact. It is NOT a theory. It is not a hyperbole. It is a simple fact. We share the air. We share the water. We share the light. And we share the Darkness as well.

Changing the Tidal Course

It has been a while since my last post.  Part of that, the biggest part, is probably because of my own distractions and my own absent laziness.  A lot has happened since then however.  I've traveled finally beyond the state I live in, physically and more.  I have been reminded of the sheer Power that can be wielded by a few and how it becomes necessary to rend asunder that power on occasion.  I know now what it means to do something for literally decades and then discover that it is possible to have been doing it wrong all that time.

The biggest facet of my life at this time period is of course my association with my fraternity and the fraternal family that comes with it.  Like all families, there are trying periods of time.  And, like all families there are periods of time that come with it when we are all reminded that we can still love our family even when we can no longer share a home together.   This is that time period.  To speak bluntly, my immediately fraternal family, my Lodge, has achieved a state of functioning that allows us to move in a vastly more fluid and dynamic form than it has possibly ever done.  We have confirmed that we can do this and completely confirm to literally all the precepts and tenets of our Order.  We can do so without even bending a rule, but hand-in-hand with the rules and find it possible to embrace not only those rules but the ruling bodies that enforce them.

Care to walk with me into this Great Unknown?

What has been our sadness is that now we realize that no matter how open our hearts, minds and arms have been that some people simply feel that they can not possess their own identity while working with us.  This has long ago created a fissure within this house, this Home.  One that no matter how large we build a bridge from our shore we cannot reach theirs for they have chosen a course so apart from ours that it has caused so many to doubt the sincerity of so many people.  People who have not even as yet become aware they are an integral part of this.  Some people who have even gone so far as to deny their role(s) they will continue to play in this great living drama.

I am currently the "head of the lodge", the "Worshipful Master", this year.  And in truth, it has been a fantastic year.  Certainly, there have been challenges we have encountered this year.  But we are stronger now than ever before.  I have come to feel the Trust and Faith my brothers have invested into me.  I now realize that I have so much more than I have to do to have them fully realize that Trust and Faith.  Some of that I am now beginning to do again.  I am re-energized.  I have had my mind cleared.  I have had my spirit bathed in the waters and come out again fulfilled.  My body may remain ever-taxed, but it is ready to continue to bear the ever expanding burdens placed upon it.

What I now hope is that not only my immediate fraternal family is prepared for what is to come, but all the others whom will be impacted by not only their own actions but their own inaction.  And indeed, their own denials.  I can now deny nothing.  I can now answer anything put before me.  It may not be an answer that someone wants to hear.  It may not be an answer they agree with.  It may not even be able to answer all that they hope it might, but it will be an answer I can now give.  I am Free to do so.  I realize now I am the only person whom has ever hindered this Freedom.  I can also now accept the fact that it is only I whom have done so.

So I ask, anyone whom has read this far, can you join me?  Can you walk with me, if even for a while?  Can we show one another how much Greater this Work is when more than One performs It?

Fraternity vs. Fracturing

Well, welcome to the first post on here from the iPad. Keyboard is better than the iPhone but it is still not perfect. Anyway, on to the subject matter.

Many of you are aware that I am a member of the Freemasons and have been now for five years. This year I am serving as the head of my lodge and to be honest, most of the year has been more than just an honor it has been a joy. What some of you may not be aware of is that I am the eldest of my generation within my own family (Moms side as they'd say). My brother and I have been the proverbial vanguard for all the would be things that could go right and wrong for us. And, like my fraternal family, my paternal one has seen the effects of fracturing. And I find myself entirely frustrated by the simplest fact that the fracturing is purely due in part to lack of communication combined with overwhelmingly strong egos.

Have you ever heard of the Super-Heroes are Stupid effect? At the beginning of any new dilemma in a story, the bad guy/gal does something that at least one other person is aware of. And this first, most pivotal piece of information seems to somehow never be shared? That is the effect. Somehow this pivotal, life-easing, moment is lost and thus we get to be entertained by the (melo)drama that ensues. Now most of us are simply enjoying being entertained and so much so that we utterly fail to learn from the lesson that was lost.

Communication is Power. It is the Solomon Key. It is "the Lost Word".

Both of my families are at terrible crossroads at this point in time. My fraternal family is being tested by the One-Line Philosphers. People who believe that their own world-views are the only ones that matter. People who feel that all their years of experience give them the explicit right to be right. That fact is poisoning us, poisoning those around us still. And it is forcing the hands of the others to take drastic measures. Measures to ensure that the fraternal well is not to be poisoned for the generations to come. That the opportunity to allow all voices to be equal and for all voices to complete their communication.

My paternal one is equally complicated. Super inflamed egos have cost us the most fundamental of our core bonds. That shame and ego are blinding us to our mistakes of the past and preventing us from taking responsibility for them. That we a believing that those coming after us are making mistakes that we are at a loss as to understanding why it isnhappening. And now when my family is literally in a state of anguish so vast, we are so scattered as to be able to give aid, to embrace, and to care for one another at the time when it would be most helpful.

Anyway, this poser is definitely one of self-therapy. I have found my way to manage the mental turmoil that is My Life. I now Hope that everyone else can as well.

When a World Celebrates Death ... Regret is a Forgotten Past Time.

Yes, everyone hears me who comes across this post.  I have feelings that I can't quite express, so I'm going to try anyway.  First of all, a brief history of myself.  I was born on September 11, 1968.  I woke up to "9/11" by one of my housemates coming in and waking me up to the phrase ... "Happy Birthday Keith, by the way, their bombing the World Trade Center".  Now it is but barely what 36 hours or less since the USA killed Osama bin Laden.  And don't get me wrong, he was an evil man.  His evil had consumed whatever soul was given him at the time of the First Light of Creation.  But none of us should ever cheer for too long lest we forget what it means to keep our own Soul.  Unless we ourselves lose all chance of seeing passed the Darkness to the First Light and the Echoflash of ITS Being.

I am a very spiritual man.  More spiritual than most would ever truly believe in their core.  I see the more than just the measure of a Man, I SEE the MEASURE of MEN.  Of Humanity.  It's a blessing, a gift, a lesson and of course a terribly heavy burden.  It makes me seem cryptic even when I'm speaking plainly to them.  But I have to find an answer to something that is troubling me.

I have to understand why we as a people wide, continue to act as if we have never known the bitterness of Regret.  I really need to know this.  If I'm lucky, I will find out.

So here's a theory...

... and no, it doesn't undo any religious views that I can figure out so far.

So far ...

Okay, I'm a Master Mason.  One of the requirements to even be considered to being a Mason (of any degree) is that we each share a belief in Diety.  How a Mason determines Diety is left entirely up to his own belief(s).  But we all have that in common.  I personally need to clarify to a LOT of my brothers that this can often run people awry when they fail to recall that there are more views than just "Christian".  I for instance am an amalgamation of beliefs.  American Shamanic, Welsh Druid and ... dadadummmm born Protestant Christian.  I believe in God, and I even refer to Diety as "God".  Well, here's a warm-up folks.

"God" is not a name.  It's an Adjective.  A Nickname.  It isn't actually a Name.  Every Religious collective (and yes, I do mean "collective" not singular) keeps sacred within the depths of it's teachings the "Name" of God within their dogma.  It is sacred to each one of them.  And in all sincerity, what that "Name" is really doesn't matter to anyone else.

Do you know why?  Can you figure it out?

It's because it is the Word that they Believe.  If we each were to respect one another's views in religious beliefs (or even just singular Beliefs), then we should consider that each sacred word/name carries with it the sanctity of that belief.

I have another word that I use to describe Diety for me.  One of many in fact.  That Word is Truth.  That Word is Entirety.  That Body is the Cosmos, to the entirety of it's diversity and variation.  Because of my belief in that, I have recently (within recent months even) discovered that I can literally find Love and Joy and Compassion for every living being.  I can give Respect for every thing I can identify as well as for those things I have yet to or even may not get to.  In my eyes I hope reflect that expansivity.  I hope that when another being, every being, can find some glimmer of that incredible Work and that with a bit of luck they may find a bit of the Light that is their unique and equally important part of It.

And if they cannot ... then I hope they will help me to be able to.

Behold, the Late Night Addict

So here I am sitting with friends watching "Being Human" on SyFy and as I listen to the show (I saw this episode already this week) and I hear the occasional peanut-comment from the guys, my mind wanders.  It thinks of things like tomorrow mornings breakfast at the LMT ($5 all you can eat, every third Saturday morning) ... and it makes me wonder how much can "one" do?

One person.  One Lodge.  One City.  One Anything?

Let's see where to begin.
One Sun warms our planet.
One Breath gives us Life.
One Cat warms our Lap.
One Dog makes us Laugh like a kid.
One Friend can hold us aloft when we are sinking.
One World can Support us All ... at least it can when we can work as One People.

Just some thoughts.   Quick ones.  So imagine the damage done when ...

One Group decides they don't have to help.
One Person decides s/he is better than the next.
One Nation decides the Fate of Another.

So I ask you ... what can One do?

-=-=-=-=-=-
Special Thanks to Padma Ali for the graphic.

Change ... Yeah, this is Change

So we have all discussed the idea of making changes.  So many of would us like to lose weight.  How about remembering things more?  Getting a better job?  Being more understanding?

Yeah, those are just a small collection of the few things that most of us consider when we think about "Change".

Now I'd like to ask a new question, how many us actually think, and I mean consciously think, "That's Change, I'm going to Resist It."  Really?  I'll bet most of us never do.  Most of us firmly believe that we can handle change, at least most change.... well, okay, occasionally change.  I mean change is good, right?

I have this feeling when Change comes, the vast majority of people out there really do not have any idea how to adapt with it.  I am willing to bet ... well the Fact that Reality itself Changes ... that most people really can't deal with change no matter what they believe in themselves.  And because it's such an unconscious reaction, it takes a major act of willpower to just realize when we ourselves becomes resistant to change when it comes.  Moreover, we have to realize that the most resistant force to change is our inner self-identity.

For instance, did you know that young children (below the age of 3-4 years of age) actually do *not* qualify for sapient, self-aware beings?  We literally spend so much of our lives trying to figure out who, what and how we are what we are, that we believe eventually we figure ourselves out.  Here's a reality check, for us all to realize.

We are *ALWAYS* working to figure things out.  The one thing that is constant in the universe, the entirety of it, is that things are constantly changing.  Change is the Constant.  How we adapt within the changing constancy is what defines whom, what and how we really are.  It is the expression of the Self.  So, I ask you now, Ready to Change?

Respect

So a while ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a new idea about "Respect".  Let's try this on for a new direction to most of us out here.

Normally, we all hear (and repeat) the phrase that "Respect is something that you earn."  Now, if this were the case then effectively, we would all have to earn the respect of another person.  Interesting when one considers that just to come to a negotiating table, all parties coming to the table already have to possess something.  Respect.

You see, in order for someone to "Earn Your Respect", you the person they are are coming to must bring respect that you can offer.  If for instance you do not respect yourself and/or the party you are representing, then  the "other person" has no chance of "earning your respect."  Of course, most of us would say that we always respect ourselves or have Respect for Others.  But, if that were true then the world would have little to no need for Professional Negotiators, Litigators or ... everyone's favorite ... Lawyers.

Truth be told, most of us don't have respect for ourselves let alone for anyone else.  Not real respect.  We often hide this shortcoming with a variety of other expressions and/or emotions.  Raw intolerance seems to be one of the bigger things that we far too often express to others.  Wonder if that means we really have a lot of intolerance for the people we are within ourselves.  Wonder if we have so little patience or understanding for or of ourselves.

Just makes me wonder.  So anyone, try it and see what can happen.  I mean, at most ... it means you are merely helping the other person earn one of the things maybe they really need.

Self-Respect.

What Happened to the Money?!?

This is actually something that has been on my mind for some time now.  So let me just ask the world.

If you as part of your role(s) served as an event coordinator of a place and accepted (reduced price) security deposits for the location you work with (for?), and the people who rented it were having a HUGE party (there is not text big enough for their shindig) and afterwards, as part of the agreement ... a contract signed by the head person of the shindig ... the people whom were supposed to clean up the location (which is old btw, no shortchanging or lying to that) and giving them TWO DAYS to do so, only to discover...

Excessively dirty dance floor showing where dirty mop water had been used.  Not even sure the people knew how to use one.

None of the tables put back into their original locations.  Some of the tables actually left physically outside the buildling.

Not just one, but five (5) bags of trash which as part of the contract they are required to take with them when they leave.

Flour and other food preparation items left on service tables and range-tops.  I didn't even care about the floors in the kitchen, they are set to be redone anyway ... but leaving food out is a sure-fire way to attract rodents, especially in this weather.

One whole floor of the building having been locked and everyone who was putting the event together knew to stay out of entirely, but only to find a number of chairs turned over, candles on the tables.  Open/Empty cans of beer, cigarette butts (no ashs trays btw, so I don't know what they used).

One very large ladder left in the main dance floor and setup (to take down a poster that had been put up no doubt).  Using the ladder not the issue.  The issue is they didn't put it away.  They certainly didn't have it out during the event.

A rented (by the coordinators of the event) smoker/bbq unit left at the location for several days that if not for us, they would not even be aware it had not been sent back.  Let alone in the way.

The discovery that the Catering License they were to have for the event, a detail they had "assured" me had been taken care of was discovered by Excise Officer (a nice young man who showed up while I was trying to show the disastrous location to would-be clients for next summer) as not having been filed properly and thus not having a legal permit for the event.

The stench of what can only be described as "vomit" coming from one of the very large HVAC units that didn't come from before.  The smell was discovered to have been trapped in the filters of the unit ... which begged the question who did what and how close to that extremely expensive item.

A damaged door brace (as in, one side is broken) which has since been repaired.

Amazingly, the bathrooms were clean.  They told me that they had "run out of toilet paper", yet there were 16 rolls of it in an open bag behind the bar on a counter that was visible from many tens of feet away to anyone in that room.,

Amidst all of this, oh wait ... then there is the CO2 tank (5' type) left in the office for two weeks.  When these details were presented, the individual and one of his staff belittled the entire thing and offered to fix things.  I said certainly, what were they doing later that week and they both said (in front of a witness btw) ... "I can't that day, I'm busy".  Wow, thanks.  that would have meant you had the opportunity for a week's time afterwards to clean up and again they couldn't.

I have been called a man of "repulsive character" because of the event by the guy who was the head coordinator.  I haven't responded.  Hell, I haven't even told that many people about it.  I was really pissed off for a while.  But as I have his signature on the contract, and his initials along each and every one of those problem areas listed, and yet he still thinks he should get his deposit back.

Sigh ... repulsive character ... wow.  I'm tired of little people.... really, I am.

Another Late Night ...

... and I have several bodies.

Well, maybe not "several", but I know I have a lot of things on my mind still. First month as WM for Laf123 and I'm doing okay for now, but I can see how the tasks at hand would make one both proud and insane at the same time.

Let me explain. WM means "Worshipful Master", a title and a position and a responsibility and a few more things all at once. It is both guide to all my brothers and servant to them at the same time. It is the compilation of dichotomies that I find so intriguing. So utterly encompassing. Some of the brothers are people I have known for years with a few of them having been my brothers long before we were joined within the Craft. I have along with them, so many others that I have met with each one having helped me on this journey we are all taking together.

A Lodge is a collection of brothers who have come together to perform various tasks and labors. Who determines those tasks and labors? Well, supposedly I do. But the truth is, the Lodge does. I'm merely someone whom is to take responsibility for those T&L we perform. I have to make sure the T&L are things we can accomplish, bringing enrichment to the Lodge, the Brothers and the Community (locally or at Large, it matters not).

I was asked by a brother last year why I wanted this job? He told me he had heard from several brothers that thought I wanted it for the Power. In the end, I must admit, the Power did have something to do with it. But it's the Power that is needed to help sustain our Lodge. To get us onto a track of success and hopefully continue the pattern of growth we've had for the more recent few years. When the brother and friend asked me last year as he did, I seem to remember telling him that there were other reasons. Many of them had to do with feeling it was time. Had to do with trying to become a more direction-oriented leader than we've hand in recent years. And I don't mean that in any form of belittlement. I do mean it however because for what is now known to have been for too long we have only been "existing".

Any person who wants to have a fulfilling life knows however that "existing" is not "LIVING". It's a sad and pale shadow of that. So that is what we are trying to do now. We are trying to become a "Living Lodge". Something that shows vibrance and vitality, and does in fact enrich the lives of those we are graced with having around us daily.

But yet, I am still pondering this odd sensation. The sensation that this is still but a Shadow of what we should yet be???