So a new day has come and gone. And with it a collection of statements by many people whom I hold near and dear to me that are as it seems so often of late, hurtful. I've been continuing to try to find measure. To seek out certain things. I found some insight on one of my favorite websites. It has helped this evening. It reminded me of some things that I had not so much forgotten, but I had not made them foremost in my mind. The reasons I had changed that priority so remain unnecessary to elaborate upon. Needless to say, it happened however. But after reading the work, I was then drawn to the video on that same page. I played it all the way through. I was then reminded of something so very fundamental as the video played out to completion.
I was reminded that we are all people made of many things. As a friend said tonight, "256 shades of Grey" (a Mother's Tale). And while the particular story dealt with one single subject matter, the analogy works elsewhere. None of us exist in a purely White or Black world ethically or morally speaking. We do not socially or politically either. We each fall within the shades of grey that exist between the bookends of black and white. True, this is a technicolor universe, but the analogy persists at working. One of the things we have to do is learn how to live with those facts and differences. And we also need to cautiously and compassionately contend with the fallacies that arise from those who do not do so or who mistakenly believe they are doing so.
I have also been reminded of the power of secrecy. I have been reminded directly of the power it wields to harm as well as restrain. Keeping a secret may often save a life, or at least save one's Ego from becoming bruised. But asking one to keep a secret for another is always taking a very special, and uniquely perilous, type of risk. It is perilous in that it sets into play a situation that goes directly against the very fiber of a human being. Even those of us whom believe we are staunch vaults of privacy and discretion are in truth nothing more than the keepers of another's mind. Often times, such confidences provide support and comfort. But when made to take and then taunted or teased before parties, they become indefensible statements and the creation of heresy against what a Secret was mostly likely meant for. They are never things to be flaunted as bestowing of power one has that another does not (knowledge is power, remember that for later). They are also not to be the repositories of self-aggrandizement or self-inflation. They are, like Oaths, things of Binding. And one must weigh careful whether they wish to be bound in Darkness or Light.
I am reminded of certain things that I want to share with everyone now. First is that I only keep those Secrets that are truly worth keeping. The ones that protect. Give one time to Mend, Time to Grow, or Time to Withdraw Such. I do not keep the Secrets that are taunted by others as power one wields over another, whether actual or delusional. I do not keep Secrets that are the Repositories of Fear, of Detraction or Distraction, or are merely excuses to hide one's petty features from themselves. I do not keep Secrets that are obvious manipulations of Binding Ties, for I do not wish to be bound in the Darkness of another man's heart.
I also am remnided of my mother's favorite paraphrase ... "If you love something, set It Free ... if it returns, it is yours. If not, it never was." I will Bind no one to passions they do not possess, but I might remind one of them even as they turn their back to walk away. I will also remain waiting, and only keep the regrets of those whom become Lost, to me or to themselves, it will matter not only that I will regret and mourn such.
I am also reminded however that the resolve bestowed upon me was done so by many, and has been expanded as the events move on. It was not bestowed upon me by one or a few, though I have always remembered that it was not bestowed by all. I am reminded also that I may be opined by the judgmental, but I will be ultimately Judged by the Collective or THE ONE. I will not lose my resolve, even as I become that leaf about to be touched by winter's first frost to lay at the feet of the Great Tree of Life.
I have also been reminded that *THIS* is not about me. *THIS* is about *US*. My World is one I share, *WE* Share. I do not dwell upon it alone nor does it revolve around me. I am but one Traveler upon it's unlevel surface seeking to find level footing as I traverse it's passage through Time.And when the it seems that the World has lain it's troubles upon my shoulders, I have but to remind myself that it is but my temporary reflection of such, and not the entirety of it no matter the frailty or fracturing that may have hollowed out my heart. I also need but to remember that at no time am I truly alone upon it, for if I was, then the consideration of a Binding Secret would have no consideration at all and therefore it's weight would have nothing by which to tie me to. So therefore I remember one of the things that was taught to me by Priest and Pastor, Shaman and Mystic, Friend and Fellow.
It will *NEVER* ultimately be about Me.
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