I need a place to "talk". Something that goes beyond limits. Right now, as I write this, my entire mind just wants to drop the floor out on me. I'm aware of something that I share with only three other people right now and will not discuss until after I speak to two others.
My heart aches, my body aches, my mind aches.
I am tired of "fighting the good fight". I'm tired of "being something no one else it seems is being". I cannot do this any longer. I realize people say I'm not alone. I wasn't supposed to be alone in any of these tasks at any time. But I have been. For far too long I have been. And it would seem the last cracks have finally broken open.
I have been the Warden of History. I was the guy who put my foot down and held my ground. I was the guy who was abandoned by people whom called me names normally reserved for the closest of kin. I was the guy who forgave everyone because I know in my Soul that it does me no good to hold on to such feelings.
But I've lost. I just don't have this any longer.
For the guy who thinks that Devil's Advocate is useful. True, but not in front of the other side. That was the third time now you displayed de-unification. The job is soon to no longer be mine anyway. I think I may be both grateful and deeply saddened by that fact.
For the people who said they supported me and what I did, I appreciate it.. but would even $1 or $2 towards that cause have hurt anyone? The idea is for numbers. No one thinks of anything anymore but themselves. No wonder we are collectively losing ourselves, our neighbors, our country, our Souls.
The will to fight is gone. The anger is so deep and broad within me that only the typing right now is how I can speak for fear of what words might come out. I have lost the first lesson. I have lost what everyone else believes they have learned. IF they had learned it all, they would have heeded the call.
I don't like being here. It hurts. My left wrist is hurting now. I'm not typing fast, but the pain is growing. I will let it grow. I stopped it the other day, but tonight I will let it grow. If it consumes me, then I know I wasn't strong enough anyway. If it doesn't, then I know this torment is just going to continue for a little while longer. It means someone out there isn't done with me yet.
I don't know if that is comforting or scares me even more right now.
I fear Death. It's not like what other people have. It's not like the commonplace fear of it that most people have. Mine is debilitating. It resides inside me, and when it comes out, it's like an ambush predator. It's overwhelming. I cry out, I sometimes scream. Once in a while I almost punch a wall. But something leashes me back in. Something keeps me from putting holes in walls and doors like I used to. Something stops me from tearing out trees and ripping car doors off like I used to.
I fear that transition. I don't know why. I can't explain it. I've tried to explain it and I can't. I start to cry and even the tears find restraint. They are restrained even now. What is happening to me? What has happened?
Why is it so hard for people to accept when they have done wrong and find it so nice to blame someone else? I am left feeling as if I must be to blame because everyone else is blaming me. My elders blame me. My predecessor's blame me. The tax people blame me. Everyone just seems to blame me. I tried to accept responsibility for those that came before me. I tried to accept the restrictions my peers constantly placed upon me. What they still do place upon me.
And now, it's failed. The structure has collapsed. No one wants to help. No one seems to care. No one expresses real concern, they only feign it. They don't take that moment to realize that maybe, just maybe, this one time ... it's for real.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Monday, December 17, 2012
Gun Control Put Forward - Registration Pt. 1
Okay, first idea I have here is a simple one. Let's start to think of the qualifications for being permitted to own a firearm. I realize it is every Americans' Constitutional Right, but one persons right is intersected by another persons right or equal weight. There are a lot of bantering comments on the internet with things like "cars kill people, we going to regulate them more too?" I think what I want is actually to apply this directly.
First part of this is Registration of the *USER*. I'm not talking about ownership just yet. I'm talking about the *USER*. The actual operator of the device. With a car, every state in the union has devised parallel methods of determining if a person is legally suitable enough to drive a vehicle. This is a device, a tool, a luxury. It's primary intented usage is transporation. The side-effect of an improperly operated vehicle however can manifest as a device which can also take a life (and often not the driver/operators). A firearm is also a device, with the primary intended usage to be..... to kill. To inflict harm, to menace and intimidate or directly remove the target's status as a living being.
As such, with a car we regulate for the sake of a larger body (the safety of the public at large) the user/operator of a vehicle first and foremost if they are fit. This means are they healthy enough (visual acumen, epilepsy, severe mental states), do they possess an understanding of the operating procedures of a general vehicle (turning, driving, signalling to other operators/communications, inclement weather). We also require them to retest on regular intervals. When the user/operator is caught by an authorized civil servant (aka; the traffic cops) operating a vehicle in a dangerous or manner than that which it is or was designed for, they are penalized according to a system that is in place for each state.
And each state by the way shares this information with other states in the Union. People with extremely poor driving records are flagged by many states and that information is made available to other states of the Union.
Furthermore, in many (all?) states of the Union now, all vehicle operators are required to carry a certain amount of liability coverage (insurance). But that is a subject for later.
What I'm aiming at here, is determining the viability and proficiency of a gun operator/user as a requirement for registration of an OPERATORS license. And in order to do this we have to classify the firearm(s) in question appropriately. Luckily, such classifications already exist by the not only the civil and military authorities, but by the firearms manufacturers themselves. For example;
A Hunting Firearm Operator (Slug or Shot) is going to be the most common usage type to first be discussed. This is a type of firearm operator that has a history of a wide array of ages. It is not uncommon for people to take their sons and daughters of what they feel is an appropriate age out to hunt with them for the purpose of sport and/or game hunting. These ages vary by the parent, but the state(s) can directly intercede here and place a flat age here. Let's say 16 for a standard hunting operator's license. Let's then say that a "Learner's Permit" or "Dependant's License" can be obtained at an age like 12 or 14. And these latter permits must be obtained with a legal parent/guardian who is ALREADY REGISTERED appropriately *AND* carries the appropriate liability insurance for said dependant/learner.
Personal Firearms usage can begin at a slightly more elevated age, an age when most people are considered to be entering "adulthood". Let's call this 18. I'm calling it 18 because this is the age of military registration under normal circumstances. And a citizen involved in the military is going to likely receive far more training and will even have other opportunities for gun ownership (more later here too). I'm also calling 18 because this is near the cap of a young adult as they are graduating high school and thus, hopefully, helping to reduce the tensions of guns in otherwise gun-free zones (more here later too).
Firearms have levels above what I will label "personal firearms". These are the devices that are, within the USA, more commonly thought of as items beholden to Civil and Military personnel. And yup, you folks reading this might be guessing where I'm heading here. I'm suggesting that in order to get access to these "more intensive firearms", one must obtain appropriate training/education on the usage of such in order to obtain a registration/operators permit for such. Civil and Military authorities are looking for ways to earn some extra cash ... how about responsible firearms classes and systems of training for people seeking these things? Registration could be made part of the class, and in a manner similar to Defensive Driving classes now, it might effect (lower) ones liability coverage costs.
First part of this is Registration of the *USER*. I'm not talking about ownership just yet. I'm talking about the *USER*. The actual operator of the device. With a car, every state in the union has devised parallel methods of determining if a person is legally suitable enough to drive a vehicle. This is a device, a tool, a luxury. It's primary intented usage is transporation. The side-effect of an improperly operated vehicle however can manifest as a device which can also take a life (and often not the driver/operators). A firearm is also a device, with the primary intended usage to be..... to kill. To inflict harm, to menace and intimidate or directly remove the target's status as a living being.As such, with a car we regulate for the sake of a larger body (the safety of the public at large) the user/operator of a vehicle first and foremost if they are fit. This means are they healthy enough (visual acumen, epilepsy, severe mental states), do they possess an understanding of the operating procedures of a general vehicle (turning, driving, signalling to other operators/communications, inclement weather). We also require them to retest on regular intervals. When the user/operator is caught by an authorized civil servant (aka; the traffic cops) operating a vehicle in a dangerous or manner than that which it is or was designed for, they are penalized according to a system that is in place for each state.
And each state by the way shares this information with other states in the Union. People with extremely poor driving records are flagged by many states and that information is made available to other states of the Union.
Furthermore, in many (all?) states of the Union now, all vehicle operators are required to carry a certain amount of liability coverage (insurance). But that is a subject for later.
What I'm aiming at here, is determining the viability and proficiency of a gun operator/user as a requirement for registration of an OPERATORS license. And in order to do this we have to classify the firearm(s) in question appropriately. Luckily, such classifications already exist by the not only the civil and military authorities, but by the firearms manufacturers themselves. For example;
A Hunting Firearm Operator (Slug or Shot) is going to be the most common usage type to first be discussed. This is a type of firearm operator that has a history of a wide array of ages. It is not uncommon for people to take their sons and daughters of what they feel is an appropriate age out to hunt with them for the purpose of sport and/or game hunting. These ages vary by the parent, but the state(s) can directly intercede here and place a flat age here. Let's say 16 for a standard hunting operator's license. Let's then say that a "Learner's Permit" or "Dependant's License" can be obtained at an age like 12 or 14. And these latter permits must be obtained with a legal parent/guardian who is ALREADY REGISTERED appropriately *AND* carries the appropriate liability insurance for said dependant/learner.
Personal Firearms usage can begin at a slightly more elevated age, an age when most people are considered to be entering "adulthood". Let's call this 18. I'm calling it 18 because this is the age of military registration under normal circumstances. And a citizen involved in the military is going to likely receive far more training and will even have other opportunities for gun ownership (more later here too). I'm also calling 18 because this is near the cap of a young adult as they are graduating high school and thus, hopefully, helping to reduce the tensions of guns in otherwise gun-free zones (more here later too).
Firearms have levels above what I will label "personal firearms". These are the devices that are, within the USA, more commonly thought of as items beholden to Civil and Military personnel. And yup, you folks reading this might be guessing where I'm heading here. I'm suggesting that in order to get access to these "more intensive firearms", one must obtain appropriate training/education on the usage of such in order to obtain a registration/operators permit for such. Civil and Military authorities are looking for ways to earn some extra cash ... how about responsible firearms classes and systems of training for people seeking these things? Registration could be made part of the class, and in a manner similar to Defensive Driving classes now, it might effect (lower) ones liability coverage costs.
Work in Progress - Gun Control Put Forward
This is a work in progress. It is inspired by what I saw on a Facebook post in recent days before I started to write this. The idea is... Gun Regulations in a manner parallel to Car Regulations here in the USA.
Driving Age (Learners Permit, Common Usage) - Registration Age (Hunting, Sidearm, etc)
Type of License (Commercial, Personal, Professional, etc) - Type of Registration (Hunting, Personal, Civil, Military, Collector's, etc.)
Liability Requirements (Insurance) - Liability Requirements (Insurance)
Vehicle Classifications (Personal, Commercial, Industrial, etc..) - Firearm Classifications (Hunting, Personal, Civil, Collector's, Military, etc)
Aptitude & Proof of Proficiency (Driver's Written Test, Driver's Operator Test, etc) - Aptitude & Proof of Proficiency (Basic Skills Proficiency Tests, Hunting Skills Test, Civil Servants, Military, etc)
Friday, November 9, 2012
Spirits Within, Shadows Without
So here I am tonight, the first entry since July. I'm remiss, I know. What is it that has me awake, again, with a full rush of adrenaline? Yup, old subject. Only now, because of something else I'm trying to work on that I thought was unrelated, I've discovered it's actually part of how I'm attempting to work my way through something deeply internal.
So here's the current manifestation of how I'm working on something.
I have an old game character who has recently achieved a fairly high rank in power and ability and he's working on not only those things necessary for the title (with power comes responsibility, etc., etc.,) but he's also trying to use some of this power for a personal reason or three. Among those is a problem he's attempting to balance out.
He works with a wide variety of spirit-like entities. The short term for some of them are "demons". Due to his amassed reputation and abilities, he has something of a following of these demons. Among them, he's also aquired a few dracoforms, a deva or two (pseudo-angelic beings) and other forms of a menagerie. What he's attempting to do is to keep the balance and at the same time not corrupt the universe with the prolonged exposure of these demons. And while he's thinking of it, maybe not let "the super goodie two-shoes" get too much an upper hand either. He's a kind of "lots of shades of gray and other colors" type. A Naturist to an Nth Degree ... in this case, a Universalist.
While thinking of how to work his way out of the problem, he's come across a set of theories that have spun his worldview onto it's edge a bit. He's aware of natural spirits normally encountered that are "native" to this level of reality and how they can be corrupted through the damage and endangerment to their natural habitat. In the game, this is referred to as Warping or Toxification. And, it is known that through a series of challenges it is possible to "cleanse" or "return to normal" the spirits in question by not only a series of rites and rituals to purify the spiritual being itself but it is also necessary to return to normal or cleanse the physical environment the being normally would dwell within as well (as above, so below).
Well, while thinking of this his train of thought (which of course is really mine "in-character"), he comes to realize that one problem may be analogous of the other. The demons might be demons because of their natural environment (not of this universe or subjective to the laws of this universe). At the same time, he comes to a similar way of thinking of the devas/angels as well. He then begins to wonder, what is "normal state" for those beings? Literally, if a cleansing/restoration process might be possible to return this other forms of spiritual beings to their universal true/real constant. Their "origin state" so to speak.
This of course then suddenly has a major overlap within my own thought process for a problem my mind has been working on for a while. While this overlapping of thoughts occurs, I then proceed to have a kind of mental anxiety relapse. It happens, I hate to say it... I'm coming to understand them.
So anyway, I've for a long time now held a strong personal belief that our own real spiritual selves, the intangible part of us that is both our self awareness and our extended self development is incapable of being tarnished by anything we think we can physically do or enact upon. However, the more we perform actions that are "not the norm" or are "out of balance" with the rest of the world about us, the darker and more shadowy things seem to become. The deeper we delve into depressions, self-doubt and a whole host of other passions that have historically been associated to be "dark" or even "evil". And only by seeking to keep ourselves and our passions in check and in balance can the inner spirit have any hope of being shared with those around us, tangible or otherwise.
We cannot for instance fully embrace the joy that is just being alive if we have not first found a way to shed ourselves of our self-doubts, fears, and other 'mortalizing' shortcomings. We cannot be true witness the limited view of the Creation about us if we are constantly covering our perceptions with the shadows of greed, avarice, egotism, dogmaticism, or any other manner of developed fears. And I say the limited view of the Creation because we are, regardless of viewpoint, limited beings of the here and now. And until we are fully freed of the limitations we have impressed upon ourselves through one method or another can we hope to, even if but briefly, view the Whole of Creation.
So I'm left with the thought. Am I afraid of being a single view of creation or am I ready to be a light for others and myself?
So here's the current manifestation of how I'm working on something.
I have an old game character who has recently achieved a fairly high rank in power and ability and he's working on not only those things necessary for the title (with power comes responsibility, etc., etc.,) but he's also trying to use some of this power for a personal reason or three. Among those is a problem he's attempting to balance out.
He works with a wide variety of spirit-like entities. The short term for some of them are "demons". Due to his amassed reputation and abilities, he has something of a following of these demons. Among them, he's also aquired a few dracoforms, a deva or two (pseudo-angelic beings) and other forms of a menagerie. What he's attempting to do is to keep the balance and at the same time not corrupt the universe with the prolonged exposure of these demons. And while he's thinking of it, maybe not let "the super goodie two-shoes" get too much an upper hand either. He's a kind of "lots of shades of gray and other colors" type. A Naturist to an Nth Degree ... in this case, a Universalist.
While thinking of how to work his way out of the problem, he's come across a set of theories that have spun his worldview onto it's edge a bit. He's aware of natural spirits normally encountered that are "native" to this level of reality and how they can be corrupted through the damage and endangerment to their natural habitat. In the game, this is referred to as Warping or Toxification. And, it is known that through a series of challenges it is possible to "cleanse" or "return to normal" the spirits in question by not only a series of rites and rituals to purify the spiritual being itself but it is also necessary to return to normal or cleanse the physical environment the being normally would dwell within as well (as above, so below).
Well, while thinking of this his train of thought (which of course is really mine "in-character"), he comes to realize that one problem may be analogous of the other. The demons might be demons because of their natural environment (not of this universe or subjective to the laws of this universe). At the same time, he comes to a similar way of thinking of the devas/angels as well. He then begins to wonder, what is "normal state" for those beings? Literally, if a cleansing/restoration process might be possible to return this other forms of spiritual beings to their universal true/real constant. Their "origin state" so to speak.
This of course then suddenly has a major overlap within my own thought process for a problem my mind has been working on for a while. While this overlapping of thoughts occurs, I then proceed to have a kind of mental anxiety relapse. It happens, I hate to say it... I'm coming to understand them.
So anyway, I've for a long time now held a strong personal belief that our own real spiritual selves, the intangible part of us that is both our self awareness and our extended self development is incapable of being tarnished by anything we think we can physically do or enact upon. However, the more we perform actions that are "not the norm" or are "out of balance" with the rest of the world about us, the darker and more shadowy things seem to become. The deeper we delve into depressions, self-doubt and a whole host of other passions that have historically been associated to be "dark" or even "evil". And only by seeking to keep ourselves and our passions in check and in balance can the inner spirit have any hope of being shared with those around us, tangible or otherwise.
We cannot for instance fully embrace the joy that is just being alive if we have not first found a way to shed ourselves of our self-doubts, fears, and other 'mortalizing' shortcomings. We cannot be true witness the limited view of the Creation about us if we are constantly covering our perceptions with the shadows of greed, avarice, egotism, dogmaticism, or any other manner of developed fears. And I say the limited view of the Creation because we are, regardless of viewpoint, limited beings of the here and now. And until we are fully freed of the limitations we have impressed upon ourselves through one method or another can we hope to, even if but briefly, view the Whole of Creation.
So I'm left with the thought. Am I afraid of being a single view of creation or am I ready to be a light for others and myself?
Sunday, July 15, 2012
What Happens When We're Number 2
Welcome All, Yeah, it has once again been a while since my last posting. I've attempted to keep things under wraps here for a while, but to be blunt it has not been easy. Today, actually this whole week but I'll maybe talk more on that later, was no exception.
It all started Friday Night. Not sure exactly what it was that started my paranoia, but it was probably Mrs. N (names withheld for obvious reasons) coming in and paying her deposit for an event at a location I assist in managing. We were discussing Friday night before when I realized a booking error had occurred, and the more recent calendar I was working with showed the night to be booked. I knew this was true because the event in question is an entertainment event and different from a private party such as was Mrs. N's. Some calls were made, restitutions were made and the girls from the Entertainment Event were even going to chip in some time to help with the private party setup the night before because they wanted to help too.
Well, I kept wondering what was happening with what event and went looking, and quickly came to realize that the booking calendar I was using was not complete as it was missing some key events in it's history file that I knew had occurred because I had been there with them. So with some research, I found the filing problem (ultimately a computer glitch, and NO ONES FAULT in truth). But when I fixed the problem, I realized my nightmare had just begun. And it was not going to be a nightmare I would have alone. I was going to have to share this one with some very unhappy people.
So I tried to work some magic, a few phone calls, and quickly discovered that at least yesterday, my "magic" was all karma'd out. I will admit, I was filled with so much anxiety and anger that I was near to tears. I don't make mistakes like this very often .. the last one was a booking error 3 years ago that was corrected without mayhem. Now I had a bigger problem.
I had to decide whom was going to be Number 2. Who would not be the first in line. I have to admit that it was Mrs. N who actually gave me the answer to this. It was whomever had the earlier contract. Plane and simple. I often refer to these as the Truthful Resolutions but as anyone will tell you, "Truthful" and "Painfree" are probably never spoken in the same sentence anymore. Mrs. N was out a booking. Not only did the other party have an earlier agreement, but they had paid in full deposit and rental at that time whereas Mrs. N had paid deposit and then was paying the rest later (as is part of our payment agreements at this event venue and no big deal).
However, it meant that TWO WEEKS OUT from a major event (can we say Wedding??? I thought we could)... one group was out a venue. It sucked. My stomach knotted up immediately. I hate mess-ups like this. They destroy hearts, lives, reputations, etc.... no joking. I have no power to fix this at my end. In truth, no one does.
I wish we could all accept that. However, as I went to give all the monies back to Mrs. N this morning, sure enough she showed up. With Family In Tow. You know, the grandmothers, the aunts, the daughter (aka ... "THE BRIDE"), etc. I knew this was no longer going to be short. It was never to be sweet, but I was hoping it was going to be short. Sure enough, they wanted to see the other contract. They wanted proof I wasn't lying to them. I gritted my teeth a bit, I know I used "that Voice" (didn't yell, but I know it sounds like scolding when you are on the recieving end of it), I had to point out legal boundaries and privacy. When they asked if I'd give them more ("because the kids deserve it"), I told them the truth ... I agree, but it's outside my power to do that. So then they wanted my bosses ... who did I have to answer to, who would get them what they wanted or now felt they deserved.
It was during this conversation that topics such as alcohol usage and State/County Laws came up. Came up because I had discovered that they were going to have alcohol present without any form of permits (we're a venue, we provide no other services). This is THE BIG ONE not to break. People can go to jail over this one, including possibly me if it's discerned that I, as the Manager, allowed for the booking knowing there would be alcohol provided by any party without proper permissions and personnel to cover for it. So anyway, this just made things worse. Then I was told that I had said they could do it, outside, serve-yourself kind of thing.
Last straw, I admit it. This is literally something I lose sleep over. This is something I have to argue with organizations from a nearby college that break this law what the legal ramifications WILL BE. *sighs*
In the end, I tried to explain that it bothers me too. I don't like to see lives tormented like this. My goal is to make things good for people, or at least better than that might have been. I explained that no matter what, that someone was going to be out an event. That it was between two parties of equal scale, with equal invite lists. That *someone* was going to be out in the cold on this one and angry. In this case, it was the (rightfully offered) consideration by Mrs. N. that "the earlier contract would hold". Well. That's the part that sucks.
And that's why it really sucks to be Number 2 sometimes.
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| Art from Saratoga Mama www.saratogamama.com |
Well, I kept wondering what was happening with what event and went looking, and quickly came to realize that the booking calendar I was using was not complete as it was missing some key events in it's history file that I knew had occurred because I had been there with them. So with some research, I found the filing problem (ultimately a computer glitch, and NO ONES FAULT in truth). But when I fixed the problem, I realized my nightmare had just begun. And it was not going to be a nightmare I would have alone. I was going to have to share this one with some very unhappy people.
So I tried to work some magic, a few phone calls, and quickly discovered that at least yesterday, my "magic" was all karma'd out. I will admit, I was filled with so much anxiety and anger that I was near to tears. I don't make mistakes like this very often .. the last one was a booking error 3 years ago that was corrected without mayhem. Now I had a bigger problem.
I had to decide whom was going to be Number 2. Who would not be the first in line. I have to admit that it was Mrs. N who actually gave me the answer to this. It was whomever had the earlier contract. Plane and simple. I often refer to these as the Truthful Resolutions but as anyone will tell you, "Truthful" and "Painfree" are probably never spoken in the same sentence anymore. Mrs. N was out a booking. Not only did the other party have an earlier agreement, but they had paid in full deposit and rental at that time whereas Mrs. N had paid deposit and then was paying the rest later (as is part of our payment agreements at this event venue and no big deal).
However, it meant that TWO WEEKS OUT from a major event (can we say Wedding??? I thought we could)... one group was out a venue. It sucked. My stomach knotted up immediately. I hate mess-ups like this. They destroy hearts, lives, reputations, etc.... no joking. I have no power to fix this at my end. In truth, no one does.
I wish we could all accept that. However, as I went to give all the monies back to Mrs. N this morning, sure enough she showed up. With Family In Tow. You know, the grandmothers, the aunts, the daughter (aka ... "THE BRIDE"), etc. I knew this was no longer going to be short. It was never to be sweet, but I was hoping it was going to be short. Sure enough, they wanted to see the other contract. They wanted proof I wasn't lying to them. I gritted my teeth a bit, I know I used "that Voice" (didn't yell, but I know it sounds like scolding when you are on the recieving end of it), I had to point out legal boundaries and privacy. When they asked if I'd give them more ("because the kids deserve it"), I told them the truth ... I agree, but it's outside my power to do that. So then they wanted my bosses ... who did I have to answer to, who would get them what they wanted or now felt they deserved.
It was during this conversation that topics such as alcohol usage and State/County Laws came up. Came up because I had discovered that they were going to have alcohol present without any form of permits (we're a venue, we provide no other services). This is THE BIG ONE not to break. People can go to jail over this one, including possibly me if it's discerned that I, as the Manager, allowed for the booking knowing there would be alcohol provided by any party without proper permissions and personnel to cover for it. So anyway, this just made things worse. Then I was told that I had said they could do it, outside, serve-yourself kind of thing.
Last straw, I admit it. This is literally something I lose sleep over. This is something I have to argue with organizations from a nearby college that break this law what the legal ramifications WILL BE. *sighs*
In the end, I tried to explain that it bothers me too. I don't like to see lives tormented like this. My goal is to make things good for people, or at least better than that might have been. I explained that no matter what, that someone was going to be out an event. That it was between two parties of equal scale, with equal invite lists. That *someone* was going to be out in the cold on this one and angry. In this case, it was the (rightfully offered) consideration by Mrs. N. that "the earlier contract would hold". Well. That's the part that sucks.
And that's why it really sucks to be Number 2 sometimes.
Friday, May 18, 2012
the Fate of Hacker House - A Druid's Tale
So, after quite some time now I return to my blog. It's been untouched in months. I have the iPad playing HP7.2 just to the edge of my vision for distraction. My mind has persisted in blazing a trail through it's recesses with information awaiting to come out. I'm going to once again find a way to express it. To Channel it. To which brings me at once to Hacker House ... Hoosier Hacker House to be precise.
Some years ago, friends of mine and myself put together what eventually became the site and the group. We'd been gamers for years you see. But not just gamers. We were also a group of people who had an intense interest in things beyond the normal. Each of us believed in things that are at once super-natural as well as supra-natural. And to that end, we sought out a venue with which we could explore those things while not pursuing harm. And into that goal we placed a great deal of what I now know to be nothing short of Raw Karma.
I think that anything that takes up a part of our daily lives consumes a fraction of that thing we might call karma. But Raw Karma is something else. It is something that finds shape amongst the imaginations of those around it. It is a reflection as well as an expression of the things we want to explore. It gives a Light that might help us to illuminate the shadows of the unknowable. But it never quite defines the shadows in their entirety. It must in truth leave some things up to direct discovery. It must do this because we must learn some things for ourselves. It must allow for us to do so because without doing so, we cannot learn that unknowable and thus bring the Light that much further into the shadows so that they may be cast out.
So now I make a new choice. I once again put forth Raw Karma and offer to any and all whom might discover what it might mean. There are many whom I know who can learn from it. Many whom can empower it. But at this moment, none are doing so nor do they draw immediacy in doing so. So that, I can but strike the first match.
Light the Way.
Some years ago, friends of mine and myself put together what eventually became the site and the group. We'd been gamers for years you see. But not just gamers. We were also a group of people who had an intense interest in things beyond the normal. Each of us believed in things that are at once super-natural as well as supra-natural. And to that end, we sought out a venue with which we could explore those things while not pursuing harm. And into that goal we placed a great deal of what I now know to be nothing short of Raw Karma.
I think that anything that takes up a part of our daily lives consumes a fraction of that thing we might call karma. But Raw Karma is something else. It is something that finds shape amongst the imaginations of those around it. It is a reflection as well as an expression of the things we want to explore. It gives a Light that might help us to illuminate the shadows of the unknowable. But it never quite defines the shadows in their entirety. It must in truth leave some things up to direct discovery. It must do this because we must learn some things for ourselves. It must allow for us to do so because without doing so, we cannot learn that unknowable and thus bring the Light that much further into the shadows so that they may be cast out.
So now I make a new choice. I once again put forth Raw Karma and offer to any and all whom might discover what it might mean. There are many whom I know who can learn from it. Many whom can empower it. But at this moment, none are doing so nor do they draw immediacy in doing so. So that, I can but strike the first match.
Light the Way.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Transparent Secrecy
So a new day has come and gone. And with it a collection of statements by many people whom I hold near and dear to me that are as it seems so often of late, hurtful. I've been continuing to try to find measure. To seek out certain things. I found some insight on one of my favorite websites. It has helped this evening. It reminded me of some things that I had not so much forgotten, but I had not made them foremost in my mind. The reasons I had changed that priority so remain unnecessary to elaborate upon. Needless to say, it happened however. But after reading the work, I was then drawn to the video on that same page. I played it all the way through. I was then reminded of something so very fundamental as the video played out to completion.
I was reminded that we are all people made of many things. As a friend said tonight, "256 shades of Grey" (a Mother's Tale). And while the particular story dealt with one single subject matter, the analogy works elsewhere. None of us exist in a purely White or Black world ethically or morally speaking. We do not socially or politically either. We each fall within the shades of grey that exist between the bookends of black and white. True, this is a technicolor universe, but the analogy persists at working. One of the things we have to do is learn how to live with those facts and differences. And we also need to cautiously and compassionately contend with the fallacies that arise from those who do not do so or who mistakenly believe they are doing so.
I have also been reminded of the power of secrecy. I have been reminded directly of the power it wields to harm as well as restrain. Keeping a secret may often save a life, or at least save one's Ego from becoming bruised. But asking one to keep a secret for another is always taking a very special, and uniquely perilous, type of risk. It is perilous in that it sets into play a situation that goes directly against the very fiber of a human being. Even those of us whom believe we are staunch vaults of privacy and discretion are in truth nothing more than the keepers of another's mind. Often times, such confidences provide support and comfort. But when made to take and then taunted or teased before parties, they become indefensible statements and the creation of heresy against what a Secret was mostly likely meant for. They are never things to be flaunted as bestowing of power one has that another does not (knowledge is power, remember that for later). They are also not to be the repositories of self-aggrandizement or self-inflation. They are, like Oaths, things of Binding. And one must weigh careful whether they wish to be bound in Darkness or Light.
I am reminded of certain things that I want to share with everyone now. First is that I only keep those Secrets that are truly worth keeping. The ones that protect. Give one time to Mend, Time to Grow, or Time to Withdraw Such. I do not keep the Secrets that are taunted by others as power one wields over another, whether actual or delusional. I do not keep Secrets that are the Repositories of Fear, of Detraction or Distraction, or are merely excuses to hide one's petty features from themselves. I do not keep Secrets that are obvious manipulations of Binding Ties, for I do not wish to be bound in the Darkness of another man's heart.
I also am remnided of my mother's favorite paraphrase ... "If you love something, set It Free ... if it returns, it is yours. If not, it never was." I will Bind no one to passions they do not possess, but I might remind one of them even as they turn their back to walk away. I will also remain waiting, and only keep the regrets of those whom become Lost, to me or to themselves, it will matter not only that I will regret and mourn such.
I am also reminded however that the resolve bestowed upon me was done so by many, and has been expanded as the events move on. It was not bestowed upon me by one or a few, though I have always remembered that it was not bestowed by all. I am reminded also that I may be opined by the judgmental, but I will be ultimately Judged by the Collective or THE ONE. I will not lose my resolve, even as I become that leaf about to be touched by winter's first frost to lay at the feet of the Great Tree of Life.
I have also been reminded that *THIS* is not about me. *THIS* is about *US*. My World is one I share, *WE* Share. I do not dwell upon it alone nor does it revolve around me. I am but one Traveler upon it's unlevel surface seeking to find level footing as I traverse it's passage through Time.And when the it seems that the World has lain it's troubles upon my shoulders, I have but to remind myself that it is but my temporary reflection of such, and not the entirety of it no matter the frailty or fracturing that may have hollowed out my heart. I also need but to remember that at no time am I truly alone upon it, for if I was, then the consideration of a Binding Secret would have no consideration at all and therefore it's weight would have nothing by which to tie me to. So therefore I remember one of the things that was taught to me by Priest and Pastor, Shaman and Mystic, Friend and Fellow.
It will *NEVER* ultimately be about Me.
I was reminded that we are all people made of many things. As a friend said tonight, "256 shades of Grey" (a Mother's Tale). And while the particular story dealt with one single subject matter, the analogy works elsewhere. None of us exist in a purely White or Black world ethically or morally speaking. We do not socially or politically either. We each fall within the shades of grey that exist between the bookends of black and white. True, this is a technicolor universe, but the analogy persists at working. One of the things we have to do is learn how to live with those facts and differences. And we also need to cautiously and compassionately contend with the fallacies that arise from those who do not do so or who mistakenly believe they are doing so.
I have also been reminded of the power of secrecy. I have been reminded directly of the power it wields to harm as well as restrain. Keeping a secret may often save a life, or at least save one's Ego from becoming bruised. But asking one to keep a secret for another is always taking a very special, and uniquely perilous, type of risk. It is perilous in that it sets into play a situation that goes directly against the very fiber of a human being. Even those of us whom believe we are staunch vaults of privacy and discretion are in truth nothing more than the keepers of another's mind. Often times, such confidences provide support and comfort. But when made to take and then taunted or teased before parties, they become indefensible statements and the creation of heresy against what a Secret was mostly likely meant for. They are never things to be flaunted as bestowing of power one has that another does not (knowledge is power, remember that for later). They are also not to be the repositories of self-aggrandizement or self-inflation. They are, like Oaths, things of Binding. And one must weigh careful whether they wish to be bound in Darkness or Light.
I am reminded of certain things that I want to share with everyone now. First is that I only keep those Secrets that are truly worth keeping. The ones that protect. Give one time to Mend, Time to Grow, or Time to Withdraw Such. I do not keep the Secrets that are taunted by others as power one wields over another, whether actual or delusional. I do not keep Secrets that are the Repositories of Fear, of Detraction or Distraction, or are merely excuses to hide one's petty features from themselves. I do not keep Secrets that are obvious manipulations of Binding Ties, for I do not wish to be bound in the Darkness of another man's heart.
I also am remnided of my mother's favorite paraphrase ... "If you love something, set It Free ... if it returns, it is yours. If not, it never was." I will Bind no one to passions they do not possess, but I might remind one of them even as they turn their back to walk away. I will also remain waiting, and only keep the regrets of those whom become Lost, to me or to themselves, it will matter not only that I will regret and mourn such.
I am also reminded however that the resolve bestowed upon me was done so by many, and has been expanded as the events move on. It was not bestowed upon me by one or a few, though I have always remembered that it was not bestowed by all. I am reminded also that I may be opined by the judgmental, but I will be ultimately Judged by the Collective or THE ONE. I will not lose my resolve, even as I become that leaf about to be touched by winter's first frost to lay at the feet of the Great Tree of Life.
I have also been reminded that *THIS* is not about me. *THIS* is about *US*. My World is one I share, *WE* Share. I do not dwell upon it alone nor does it revolve around me. I am but one Traveler upon it's unlevel surface seeking to find level footing as I traverse it's passage through Time.And when the it seems that the World has lain it's troubles upon my shoulders, I have but to remind myself that it is but my temporary reflection of such, and not the entirety of it no matter the frailty or fracturing that may have hollowed out my heart. I also need but to remember that at no time am I truly alone upon it, for if I was, then the consideration of a Binding Secret would have no consideration at all and therefore it's weight would have nothing by which to tie me to. So therefore I remember one of the things that was taught to me by Priest and Pastor, Shaman and Mystic, Friend and Fellow.
It will *NEVER* ultimately be about Me.
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